Writing Your Own Ceremony—Not Just Your Vows! (A Sample Ceremony)
You don’t have to wait till the reception to let your voice shine through. A ceremony built on your own terms is special and important. It can be super traditional and draw from your cultural and religious roots. It can remix the old scripts. It can throw it all out and do something totally original.
But sometimes having a version to react against can help! That’s what you’ll find below—a structure you can steal from, alter, throw out, whatever!
Just like every couple is unique, so every ceremony is unique. I’ve seen additions to this basic ceremony structure that allow for some specific values to be represented.
One couple was very connected to nature and planted a tree together after their ring exchange.
One couple really loved music and had an interlude where the groom played a song for the bride. (This is a lovely idea but the performer usually cries which can complicate the ability to play).
One couple had recently lost a parent. We had a moment of silence in memory of that parent right at the beginning of the ceremony.
The options to adapt on this structure are endless!
Order of Events
(also known as “Ingredient-List-that-Can-Be-Totally-Ignored”)
Offerings of Consent. Modern couples go both ways on including this part of a wedding ceremony. That is entirely up to you. But I will say the archaic title “offerings of consent” does not really represent the richness of this moment of declaring your joint intention. I’ve included a revised version that allows you to speak your response of “we do/we will”, representing that your partnership began long before this moment.
Readings. This is a great moment to include a few quotes or texts. I’ve seen everything from sections of the Bible to poems to letters from friends blessing the marriage. Recommend two at most.
Homily. Each couple is profoundly unique and each homily is written to represent their specific and unique character and values. No other story is like yours. Each homily ranges from 3-4 pages and takes around twelve minutes to read. This may sound like a lot of time—it actually goes quite quickly when each piece of those twelve minutes is expounding on your rich history together. The entire ceremony then ranges from 20 minutes to 30 minutes based on music, readings, etc.
Vows. While you may choose to write your own vows, this adaptation on traditional vows may help guide your own writing. These vows represent promises that have begun and sustained marriages throughout many centuries.
Exchange of Rings. This is separate from vows and contain specific language to explain the significance of the rings.
Declaration of Marriage. It’s official! Hurray! And also, people usually kiss :-)
Offerings of Consent
Officiant: Marriage symbolizes the intimate sharing of two lives. This sharing must not diminish, but should enhance the individuality of each partner. You do not shed your individuality, for that is what brought you together in the first place. A marriage that lasts is one in which each person is developing as in individual while growing in understanding of the other. Your marriage will not be just a word; it will be more than that. It will be an action; something you work to do every day
Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, do you come here freely today and without reservation to commit yourselves to each other in marriage? If so say ‘WE DO’.”
Couple: “We do.”
Officiant: “Will you be respectful and value one another as your equal, be open, kind and patient, trust and have faith in one another, and be worthy of that trust? If so say ‘WE WILL’.”
Couple: “We will.”
Officiant: “Marriage is an ongoing dialogue, a series of discussions that will help you find your way together. Will you listen and communicate with each other fully, without giving in to fear? If so say ‘WE WILL’.”
Couple: “We will.
Officiant: “Every marriage requires a leap of faith. Will you work, even when the work is hard, to honor your vows? If so say ‘WE WILL’.”
Couple: “We will.”
Officiant: “And as your life unfolds before you, will you remain true to the promises you make this day? If so say ‘WE WILL’.”
Couple: “We will.”
Officiant: Thank you.
Reading
Officiant: And now we will have a reading by [name of reader.]
Homily
See some examples here and here!
Vows
Officiant: Now name and name will exchange their wedding vows. Please repeat after me. [couple says the vows in turn]
“I, name, take you, name, To be my wife/husband/spouse. To love and respect from this day forward,
For better, for worse;
for richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health
To honor and to cherish
until death do us part.
I promise to be open and honest
and to be faithful to you.
This is my vow.”
Ring Exchange
Officiant: These rings are tokens of your love and faithfulness from this day forward. Just as the circle of this ring is unbroken, so it is that your love should be unbroken. The wedding ring is an outward sign of an inward faith. May those who give them and those who wear them be reminded of the vows they represent.
Repeat after me:
“I give you this ring
as a symbol of my vow
and my abiding love
with all that I am,
and with all that I have.”
Declaration of Marriage
Officiant: You have joined in this act of mutual profession of your love through vows and through the giving and receiving of rings. You have promised before this community to love and cherish each other from this day forward for the rest of your lives.
I now pronounce you [husband and wife] [wife and wife] [partners for life] [married] [etc].
You may now share your first married kiss!
I now present new name! / I now present the now married [first name] and [first name]!
Exit music begins